Chapter 1a: Training the Nerds

[Acewing13]

Eliza stood in a haphazardly made training room. It was, in essence, a storage room with all the storage pushed to the side, allowing for a really small gun range. On the wall, she placed two targets, the visage of a human man with several ranges tranced along it denoting different points for each shot. The head was worth: "All the Points."

Eliza had set this up in a short amount of time, two particular students in mind as she did so. They'd already been in the field and if she knew the Captain, they'd be called upon again for more work. Useful people were relied on, that's how it worked. And thanks to the Captain, she'd made it so they had to show up at the appointed time.

Shes stood in the center of the room, at attention, a dark half cape over one shoulder and her sidearms visible. Music was bumping, the sounds of aggressive synthetic metal confined to the storage room.

Maksim walked past the room before doing a double-take and slowly walking back to the doorway. This was...not what he had in mind for a gun range, but he applauded the effort. He coughed a few times, having just gotten back from his smoke break, and waved at Eliza, who looked just as intimidating as ever with the music in the background.

"Ah, sorry, I wasn't sure if this was the place to meet. Hello, Capta-I mean, Eliza."

"Welcome Makky," Eliza said with a smirk. "Stand in front of a crate," she said, gesturing to the two crates a few yards from the wall with the targets, "and get used to the feel of the gun. It's not loaded, because I can't trust y'all yet. Fucken nerd."

"Oh, uh, I actually do know how to use a gun," Maksim said. "Not as well as a soldier, but I did a bit of mandatory training a few years ago." He shuffled over to one of the crates.

Benjamin could hear the music from down the corridor as he emerged from his quarters. He had been unsure of what to wear, and so had opted for a pair of cargo trousers and a hand-knitted grey jumper that seemed to be riddled with holes. There was also a few cat hairs apparent on the jumper that Benjamin had not seemed to notice.

The Dutch-heritage man cleared his throat and bounced on the balls of his feet once or twice. "I uh... I shot a... b-bird. Once," he nodded, adding his experience with guns to Maksim's admission that he had undergone some form of basic firearms training. "O-oh... and the uh... m-m-military training... s-stuff. B-B-But that was... uh... only a... d-day."

Maksim smiled at Benjamin as he entered the room, but he was a bit perplexed at what the German wore. Maksim himself had gone with his regular workout clothes, assuming that Eliza would make them work hard.

"A single day?" Eliza scoffed, walking towards the two hapless nerds. She stood before them, narrowed eyes staring at the two of them with a striking severeness. "A single day to learn to protect yourself, Benny? As least the Ruskies train their nerds right, if only to feed them to the ice monsters!" She paced around them, still watching them as she stepped, sure of her footing.

"When I was young, my Uncle handed me a sidearm and asked me to watch his back while he hunted. We stalked a creature for a dozen yards, and he killed it with his own weapon. The sound brought upon us a swarm of mosquitos, but oh Earth bois, sweet naive Earth bois, these mosquitos were the size of small dogs. And I fought tooth and nail that day to survive. My Uncle said I was a damn good warrior." she stood directly in front of Benjamin now, looking down at him. "Good news, Earthling, I'm gonna turn you into a warrior."

She moved behind them now, pointing to the crates before them. "Put on the ear muffs, so all you can hear is my sweet sultry voice and not the eardrum splattering sound of good old American firearms. NOW." She commanded.

Maksim was about to make a remark about how he was from Kitezh, not Earth, but he put that aside and threw on the ear muffs as soon as she barked the order.

"That uh... s-sounds in... uh... intense," Benjamin stammered. Perhaps Elizabeth had some unresolved trauma from this incident. Yes, that seemed likely. Perhaps she needed therapy. Benjamin mulled over these options before fitting the ear muffs to his head and goofily affording Maksim and Elizabeth a thumbs up. "I am uh... muffed... up," Benjamin said, freaking out a little at his muffled voice. It felt like the one time he had gotten glue ear from swimming too much. That had hurt a lot.

"It was awesome," came the voice of Eliza. She had put on a headset herself, speaking into the microphone so they could hear the dulcet tones of their newest drill instructor. "It was so awesome, I dedicated my life to keeping me and my others safe. My life is to keep y'all safe, and this is step one, evetnually making sure I don't have to babysit you for 24 seven."

She was standing behind them, one hand on a shoulder each. "The spiders might not be evil right now, but you know what this means? The deck is stacked against us. Aos Si, the elves. They might be hot, but they're also faster and stronger than the average human. The fucking Bio-furries? Daqin? They swap body parts for fun and they think you're inferior. Just in general. The Chongwu? I know a few, nice people, once they're free of their masters bidding. I once saw a woman get her damn organs eaten, in the middle of combat, by a big ass dog dude."

The hands on their shoulders tightened, as she continued, "Now, we got big ass spiders. I seen a little girl, freshly freed from the worst parenting I've seen since my daddy figured out which end of the belt hurt worse, get her nervous system deactivated in a single attack. We are surrounded by beings that would eat you alive, and some would even enjoy it."

From between them, she drew her revolver and fired, right in the head of this random dude she printed out and put on a wall. "This is our greatest strength, our adaptability, our numbers, and our sheer fucking firepower. Pick up those guns, aim, and practice firing."

The guns were empty, this was merely her looking at their form as the revolver fell to her side.

 

[Acewing13]

Maksim stood still as her voice sounded in his ears. He felt a little sad for Eliza. From the moment he met her, Maksim could sense that certain constant on-edge energy from her that soldiers who had actually seen real combat all seemed to share. He hoped that through this training he could alleviate some of her worries about him and Benjamin. Maksim didn't want to cause anyone more trouble.

He picked up the gun and aimed it at the target, his face hardened with focus.

Benjamin listened to Eliza, blinking occasionally in an exaggerated and almost terrified way. He looked like a rabbit (well, a hare) stuck in the headlights. He couldn't help but gulp, eyes flicking towards Maksim, a man rather like him in ideals and nature. This was completely out of their comfort zone, and Benjamin found that he had a tremor in his hand as he reached out to grab the gun.

He faltered, steeling himself by clenching his fist, before reaching back out to pick up the gun. He swallowed hard, before mirroring Maksim's actions, hoping that his... swimming accuracy... would somehow help him.

Eliza gave an audible sigh, starting with Maksim. "Makky, you're too loose, tighten up just a little. You had the training of the ice people," she said as she squeezed his shoudler and pushed it down to a proper position. "Alright, start placing the sidearm at your side, pretend you have a holster. How fast you can draw your weapon might be the difference between life and dying a slow and painful death."

She stalked over to Benjamin, and just paused, perpelexed. "Holy shit Benny Boy, what did they teach you on that one day? Point and click? Was this some cowboy camp for toddlers?" Her voice was loud over the headphones. "They look at you, shrug and say 'he'll be fine' do they?" She huffed, dissapointed. "And I thought we soldiers were expendable, they didn't even try to keep y'all alive."

She grabbed his hand, pointed it at the target, and then slapped the gun into that hand. "You're trembling, Shivers, and you gotta get over that before you're staring down a spider who only needs to penetrate you with it's stinger to delete your life, and that's not a euphamism. You voice can shake all it wants, but your hands need to be certain. Breathe Skinny Britches, breathe."

Benjamin couldn't keep up with all of the nicknames as his mind raced, but he knew Eliza was telling him to calm down. So he tried to do just that by taking a deep breath and steeling his arms. It was like just before a swimming competition, and he had been good at those. First or second place guaranteed. Admittedly, with swimming, there was a very low chance that a spider would kill you.

"There you go," she praised, letting go of his hand and looking at the targets. "Okay boys, you'll get better with practice. Now that the mothership can reach us again, we get more ammo to play with. So, follow my lead." She pulled her service weapon out, putting her revolver back in it's holster. She dropped the magazine into her waiting hand and then looked to the two men. "Pay attention nerds, I know you're good at that. Most of the time I'm sure."

Deftly, with skill and precision drilled into her for years, she held the magazine in one hand and slid it up into the pistol. "It's that easy. Go on, try it Skinny Britechs and Iceman."

Maksim nodded and did the same, picking up a magazine from the crate behind him and inserting it into the pistol. He didn't have to pay very close attention as this was more of resurfacing his earlier Komsomol training rather than new information, but he wasn't nearly as smooth as Eliza, and he still watched closely as she demonstrated to show that he was listening.

Benny was slow to react, watching Maksim out of the corner of his eye before mirroring his actions. He picked up a magazine, walking back to the designated area, before examining the clip in his hand. It wasnt heavy by most standards, but it was quite weighty for its small size. Benjamin tried to load it into the gun, but it wouldn't fit. He furrowed his brows, removing the clip to stare at it with a rather unimpressed expression. Oh. He flipped it over and inserted it with a clock. Easy mistake to make... he hoped.

Eliza gave a sigh, leaning on the wall and just staring at Benjamin with a... her expression was somewhere between dumbfounded and almost upset. "Ben. Jesus Christ, Ben, the end with the bullets goes into the gun. That's the point of the gun. It shoot bullet." She took a massive breath, and started pacing again. "This is fine, you figured it out, you learned. That's what you're good at, learning."

She stood at attention behind them, and pointed at the targets. "Alright, shoot Todd. Take your time, breathe, and at your leisure, gun the bastard down."

Feeling Benjamin watch him from the corner of his eye was beginning to make Maksim self-conscious. He watched Benjamin and Eliza with a smile on his face. She was a good teacher, surprisingly a lot less strict than the drill instructors in the Komsomol.

Maksim began to have a coughing fit in surprise. "Todd?" He looked at the target. "Oh..." He had almost had a heart attack.


Benjamin did much the same double take as Maksim, half expecting some poor blindfolded prisoner to wander into the room. He was relieved when no one did, and soon realised that Todd was the target. With that, he aimed, breathed in and then uh.. shot. At Todd.

"Yes, Todd," Eliza growled. "Bastard chatted me up, talked a big game, backed it up to be fair, and then stole 200 dollars from me after we were done." She was watching their practice, taking in a deep breath, centering herself. "Don't mind him, Todd is the worst and he deserves to be shot."

I suppose that's...understandable, Maksim thought. He took aim, tensing his shoulders a little more like Eliza had told him, and fired three rounds at Todd's chest...no, not Todd, it was a target. That felt a lot less disturbing.

Benjamin blinked, feeling a little bad about shooting at someone who was real. "That's a... uh... a l-l-lot of mon...money..." he nodded, as if that was empathetic. It probably was the extent of his empathy... with humans, at least.

The targets were suitably ripped as the shots hit their target, for the most part. Eliza gave a sigh, wagging a finger at Benjamin. "Yes, Benny, 200 bucks of New Texan cash, and he played me like a damn fiddle. So, lesson 2, don't leave your money somewhere accessible. That's less of a lesson in firearms training and more a life lesson."

She gave a huff, and waved her hand to the two boys. "Alright, guns down boys, I only was allowed to get so many bullets for this." With one hand she slowly pushed a crate forward, and sat on it.

 

[Acewing13]

"Now comes the lesson on when to shoot. You might not like the answers. Come on, sit somewhere. Question One: When should you shoot?"

Maksim crossed his legs and sat on the floor. He didn't answer, instead twiddling his thumbs uncomfortably and glancing at Benjamin to possibly answer.

The word 'never' came into Benjamin's head, but he realised that wasn't exactly an appropriate answer. At least, not to Elizabeth. He noticed out of his periphery that Maksim was staring at him and he bounced on the balls of his feet as he opened his mouth to answer. "Thre-Threatening.. uh... behaviour..." he said, with a little more confidence than necessary.

"Alright," Eliza nodded, "Not bad. Super simple and kinda reductive, but not wrong." She pulled out her revolver, holding it in her hands gently, like a baby, or a gun one held gently. Babies are different shapes than guns. Eliza cleared her mind, and then her throat. "Truth is, no matter how cold you are, if you think about it for two seconds you know what you're doing has serious ramifications. When you point that gun at someone, it better be because you need them to stop being a threat."

She offered them her revolver, holding it out to them. "Careful, it's loaded. That thing was my Uncle's, when he fought for the Union. I wanted to be like him, because he was insipiring, but he tried to warm me off it. Before I set off, he gave me that, just in case. Said it was lucky."

"Feel it, it's curvy, like a sexy woman, but firm, like a strong man. It's the pinnacle of human crasftmanship, the ultimate form of the Death Dealing device. We started at rocks, then went to swords, upgraded swords for millenia, then made guns, and we do the process over again. What I'm trying to say is, this shit is inevitable. At some point, there is a chance that someone, or something, will try to end your life before you've finished your work in this universe."

She leaned forward, staring at the two of them in turn. "My goal is to give you the primal edge needed to survive. I would rather you both survive. You got big brains, and big brains make the world go round smoothly. I don't got a big brain, but I have my body, my weapons, so maybe I'll be able to help y'all live. Okay? We clear?"

Maksim held the revolver, turning it around carefully in his hands, making sure not to point it at anyone while he did so. Eliza's words were clear, but he wasn't sure what he felt. Or how he should feel. Maksim handed the gun off to Benjamin.

He knew that something was going to catch up to him one day. Tomorrow, next month, next year, maybe not until he was old. But he knew. And although Maksim woke up every day knowing, he didn't let himself think it in this moment. Instead, his mind buzzed with empty thoughts. Empty except for the thought of Why should I be the one surviving? Maksim looked around at these two people who he'd learned to call his friends and knew that they'd do great things. But he was selfish for thinking the same for himself. Still, he couldn't let that cause trouble for anyone else. He would do what he could to not be dead weight.

Maksim nodded solemly at Eliza. "We're clear."

"S-So it's uh... a g-g-gender neutral.. uh... gun," Benjamin realised the joke just.. wasn't funny and cleared his throat. He didn't really want to touch the gun, knowing that Elizabeth had probably been a little trigger happy with it. He was lost in his thoughts - mainly images of himself with a cool gun, doing cool gun things - when he was jolted back into reality by Maksim's depressed tone. He felt like he'd missed something and so forced a solemn frown onto his face to match the mood.

"Hey, Bozo," Eliza's finger snapped in Benjamin's direction, "We clear? I said I'm trying to keep y'all alive, because you got big brains and big brains is good, yeah? Hence these lessons. You never know when a spider, or worse one of your own people, has decided you need to die. Let me help y'all get an edge."

Benjamin gulped and nodded. "I can... ob-obtain... edges," he said, and then chuckled a little awkwardly. "I am an... or-or-organic shape." He then stalled, awkwardly, and added: "I... sorry, ma'am. I app-app-appreciate.. the uh... lessons." His eyes flitted towards Maksim in an attempt to get attention away from him.

"...Oh, yes. Thank you, Elizabeth," Maksim said, apparently breaking out of a train of thought. "Really."

"It's uh... in-in-informative!" Benjamin added onto what Maksim said, almost immediately after he had finished his sentence. It was almost like the two 'nerds', as Elizabeth called them, were twins. "And uh... f-fun..." he continued once more, a little quieter than his two previous phrases. He didn't know how seriously Elizabeth was taking this, and so didn't want to undermine her. But... it was sort of fun... if you could forget that this was technically semi-serious training on how to succeed in armed combat. The actual purpose of the training was not too nice to think about, and so Benjamin tried to avoid that thought. Instead, he replaced it with the idea that this was just a training session for a hobby - a club for shooting. Clay pigeon shooting, perhaps - he had always wanted to partake in that, after all. Alas, clay pigeons did not exactly resemble 'Todd', the human target.

"Alright then," Eliza nodded, not seeming to notice the organic shape part. Maybe she didn't care. Maybe she'd heard worse. "So," she started, "Now is the question part of the tour of your new best friend, the non-binary friend, the gun. The gun is gender neutral, because death is gender neutral. So trust no one." She said with a smile, as if the implications of that were wise, or her words profound. She wouldn't really know if they were or not. "Questions?"

"Um..." Maksim scratched his head. "That 'trust no one' part you said. Aren't there people we should trust?" He wasn't sure if this was a hyperbole or if Eliza really meant it, but it didn't sit right with him. Wasn't part of being a good soldier and a good citizen placing your trust in people who knew better than you? After all, he knew what happened when trust was misplaced in those who knew nothing--like him--and were better off trusting those who were actually worth it.

Eliza rolled her eyes, leaning foward with her elbows on her knees. "Fine, Mak, don't trust anyone immediately. You never know if someone has your best interest at heart. Most people, to their credit, don't give a shit one way or another. A few people might want what's best for you. And many more would sooner harvest your organs than look you in the eye with a smile."

She leaned back, leaning her head back and sighing. "For that matter, don't trust people immediately, and never trust anyone that's lookin to hit if you got money. 8 times outta 10, they want your money. Happened to my friend once, got his organs harvested when the girl he was seeing turned out to be a bitch, and he ran out of money trying to appease the whore."

Maksim paled as Eliza mentioned the organ-harvesting part, but that wasn't what disturbed him the most. He looked back down at his lap and nodded. That endless pit feeling showed up in his stomach again, and he wished he hadn't asked that question.

"But, if you don't have any money to your name," Eliza continued, "and you're attractive like me, you still gotta be careful because sometimes, like... I suck at percentages, and fractions, but they're easier. 1 outta 10 times, they gonna steal 200 bucks from you, like fucken Todd over there. Then you can't do shit about it, because he's the son of some rich asshole so I can't just shoot the guy, despite that entire title: son of rich asshole, just made me want to shoot him more."

Benjamin was struggling with Todd. He kept assuming he was real. Well, he was - both Todd and Todd were real... just one Todd was made of thick paper, and the other of flesh. Maybe cybernetic parts. Oh dear. This was all a bit complicated, and Benny had begun to zone out again.

But if someone seems trustworthy and you give them that trust only for them to throw it away, what does that make them? Maksim thought. But he knew the answer to that. Worthless. And what does that make you? An idiot? He imagined her face. Peaceful, knowing. No. Not an idiot. It's all on me. Everything.

He really needed a smoke again.

Wait. Eliza was talking. "Maybe one day he'll get what's coming to him," Maksim said simply, reaching into his pocket for his cigarette case.

"Maybe." She sighed, tossing her hair back a cracking her neck. Just to be certain, she lowered a hand to Benjamin's face and snapped her fingers. "Alright boys, if you don't have any actual questions, you're free to go. Training will be regular, because discipline is the backbone of doin shit right."